Written By: Libbie Fang
Introduction
“Practice makes perfect”, but is “perfect” really attainable? While perfectionism can be viewed as a motivator, a positive trait in society, constantly worrying and obsessing over perfection can be toxic. In fact, striving for perfection has been linked to negative consequences on an individual's mental health. But what are the faults in trying to be perfect and how does it harm one’s well-being?
Recognizing Perfectionism
Perfectionism is the need to be perfect. It is a personality trait that has the potential to do more harm than good. Although being a perfectionist can be a healthy way to aid someone in finding the drive to achieve their goals, at extreme levels, perfectionism can lead to a never-ending cycle of trying to satisfy unattainable goals without feeling pleased or good enough.
Perfectionism can be displayed in different symptoms, but individuals who struggle with toxic perfectionism are impacted in similar ways: typically adopting an all-or-nothing mindset. This results in being overly critical of themselves or other people in their lives. Being overly critical also means that perfectionists tend to set unrealistic standards for their goals in their lives, which evidently becomes an issue, as they would be striving for the unobtainable. While ambition that leads to attaining goals can cause one to feel content, this is not the case for perfectionists. Instead, it is common for them to shrug off their victories. Essentially, if their ideal was achieved, instead of celebrating their success in doing so, they likely just feel a sense of relief, as they accomplished what they viewed as something they should have acquired either way. However, if they do not achieve such, then they are likely met with negative emotions. In other words, perfectionists see “perfect” as the baseline and bare minimum. Anything below perfection is viewed negatively because perfection is simply their standard. However, perfection is never truly reached as perfectionists will always find a way to criticize and find fault in each of their successes. Furthermore, because perfectionists have a certain ideal in their minds, they tend to fear failure. This is because perfectionists feel upset or disappointed when their reality falls short of their unrealistic expectations. As a result of fearing failure, perfectionism causes individuals to procrastinate on certain tasks because they do not want to face their negative feelings if their perfect plan fails and they do not attain their goal.
Combating Perfectionism
When perfectionism becomes harmful to your well-being, which can be seen as it induces feelings of self-doubt and extreme self-criticism, causing high levels of stress, it is worthwhile to take a step back to acknowledge what is happening. To avoid an infinite loop of dissatisfaction, recognizing that being a perfectionist has impacted your happiness is the first step. Admitting that this trait has caused you distress, you can take some actions to ensure that your mental health comes above everything else, even your bold aspirations. For example, when encountering a situation where your ideal is not met, rewiring your negative thought patterns is key. When you catch yourself with negative thoughts, you can identify the root of your emotions and find clarity in what you feel and why you feel it. Then, you can switch the negative self-talk with positive affirmations, assuring yourself that what you are doing is enough and that you cannot be perfect – which is perfectly okay. This would benefit you in making sure that you are not beating yourself up for not meeting your high standards. During moments when you notice yourself growing upset because of imperfections, unpacking your initial reaction and identifying your triggers can help you better understand yourself and learn how to fix such patterns. Altogether, perfectionism may manifest differently in various individuals, but being aware that it has caused one stress can help build a deeper understanding of oneself and hopefully help alleviate negative feelings.
The Takeaway
While having lofty goals can be advantageous, constantly setting unachievable expectations to achieve the impossible is likely a sign of toxic perfectionism. Dealing with toxic perfectionism impacts much of one’s mental well-being, to the extent that goals do not exist to challenge oneself and improve, but to simply quench one’s thirst for flawlessness and control. Ultimately, there should be a healthy balance between having dreams and letting go of what is out of your control.
Sources:
Knight, R. (2019, November 26). How to manage your perfectionism. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved September 8, 2023, from https://hbr.org/2019/04/how-to-manage-your-perfectionism
Scott, E. (2023, February 27). Perfectionism: 10 Signs of Perfectionist Traits. Verywell Mind. Retrieved September 8, 2023, from https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-you-may-be-a-perfectionist-3145233
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